Tag: mental

High School: Bad Moment?

Posted on by Eri

Did you “peak” in high school? Should you feel excitement or terror when entering in your past high school? What experience should we be having or what expectations should we put forth for high school?

These questions are often answered in movies. The popular girl peaks, is excited for school everyday, adores everyone, and expects high school to be all-around a fun place. However, being an upcoming junior in high school, I did not feel that way. I am currently on summer break, where today I went back to school to go have a club meeting. Walking through my high school hallways and not used to being in school, I felt social pressure and terror throughout my body. My confidence went down, and I was convinced that I never wanted to return.

I have a small number of friends who are often busy and not many acquaintances. Introverted, I do not like a big social scene, and thus high school lunches are not my forte. Seeing everyone else excited to return to school, my stomach twists. I get disappointed because I do not feel the same way, making me feel left out.

Now some say that high school is just a couple of years and life will get better, but other say it will get worse. Some even explain how life will be the same. I understand that you make your own life and the future relies on your choices. Acknowledging that, however, does not help me realize my future potential.

Knowing that I will forget majority of my class in the future does not help me get through the day. It helped me for a temporary amount of time, but after that, I once again feel hopeless in high school.

Personally, high school is better than middle school. I have closer, more genuine friends that I can trust. Yet I still feel out of place. When will I find my place, and will I ever?

That is a question that I ask myself, questioning when I can answer it.

Overall, the movies do not often show everyone’s high school experience. I do not feel in place, and I question whether my future will get better. The lesson to be learned from this is tough to realize, especially for me. I understand now that even though I feel out of place and do not want to be in high school, I must live my life day by day. I must tell myself to constantly try new activities or do something to enjoy to distract from the “bad moment in time.”

“I Never Got to-I am so Bad”

Posted on by Eri

I have never been selected to be first violin. I always get assigned to be third violin, the VIOLA part. I do not even get to represent my own instrument, I must be a bad player. What is wrong? Why does my director never give me the chance or opportunity to even try to be first?

This situation happened yesterday. We got assigned new parts in our violin group, and yet again, I was third. In my 4 years of being in this group, I have been third violin every year. Every part, every year: third violin. How would it feel if you have been in a group for so long to be in third violin, to not grow and advance?

Ask me. I have thousands of more questions of why I do not get the recognition or opportunity, but I realized something. Just because you are third violin, are below everyone else, are not in that highest rank, you are bad. And no, I am not going to write a dreamy article on the fact that everyone is good at what they do even if they are in the lowest rank at their hobby, because sometimes, they are the worst. There is a difference between being the lowest out of an advanced group and an incompetent group.

Considering my violin group is one of the best in the school and state, I did not look at the big picture: this is an advanced group; I am disappointed in myself for no reason, but I should instead be proud to even be let in the group. The admission and acceptance is what is important. Someone has to be third violin, someone has to be in the lowest to support everyone up high. And you may ask, do I want to be third? Do I want to be low? Do I want that opportunity to be high? Of course. Who doesn’t? As long as you try hard enough at what you do and keep up with the pace of your surroundings, you will excel no matter what position you are because you are working and practicing at that hobby. Even if you are assigned to do a task that requires skills lower than your capability, that constant work ethic will grow. Unlike sitting on your phone and watching Netflix, you doing anything will be beneficial compared to sitting and doing nothing.

If you need that confirmation or feeling that you have accomplished something, travel outside of your city. You will see how you will be “better” than those in another group, city, or town.

Just because you may not be in the highest position for a job or group, that does not mean you yourself are bad. Think about this group and where it stands in society. Be proud of the culture you are in, unless you do not enjoy it, then I suggest you to find a community that you truly enjoy and stick to them.

Bottom line is, do not be pressured and disappointed that you are in the lowest position. The fact that you even got the position and opportunity to get THAT is significant. Someone else out there probably will never get to know what it is like to be in your position or even part of a community. Every role matters and counts, and accept that you were included in any position.

Identity Crisis

Posted on by Eri

Being blatantly honest, I have not started my homework yet for today. And it is 9:42pm.

I do not know if this is just my personality, but being in high school, I often have identity crises that question: Am I a humanities person or STEM person? What job should I go into? What should I major in? What can I do to help my community by still being able to find my passion? How do I find my passion?

These thoughts dash through my head every day, and I do not know how to find that spark. Being openminded, I have joined and left several clubs, but I still cannot find that passion.

The real question is: At what age do people finally find their passion? How do I know what I can do in life to be happy?

My mother, being a middle-aged woman, works with other people and she tells me some of them still do not know their passion; This proves how adults cannot find that passion either. I want to help people to find that spark. I want myself to help others, for that feeling of giving has grown into me. If only there was a way to help people find a career path or even an enjoyed hobby, I want to help. Not only do others need this aid, but I myself will need it too.

Thanks for reading, if you have any suggestions to what I can do to find my own spark and help others find theirs, it would be great:)